White Stag

2009-07-05T15:20:00.001+08:00

best pickup line ever!!!-

"love is a sensation, caused by a temptation to feel penetration, a guy sticks his location in a girl's destination to increase the population for the next generation, did you get my explanation, or u need a demonstration?"

2009-06-08T01:12:00.001+08:00

Hmm..... food for thought?

I find that as one grows up, one's heart gathers experiences just like a fishing net, slowly sifting through Life's many events and occurrences - Not only from oneself, but also from those around him or her. Usually, the good ones are caught. And the bad ones? They're those pesky little barnacles that you'd want/have to scrape off lightly, or risk breaking the net. It's that little subtlety that Life takes pride in.

Someday, that net might just snap, and this torrent of feelings will pour into a sea of emotions - A sub-collective cornucopia of repressed agony and unhappiness that Society has contributed to all these time. Will the individual then submit himself in acquiescence, or would he try to fight for his own happiness?

2009-04-29T03:49:00.002+08:00

Drifting again:

i realised, that it's hard to focus on more things at a time sometimes, and by that i do not mean multi task, but multi tasking multiple relationships, social circles, you'll tend to neglect some group just to spend more time with others. so i really admire those who could.

it's about time allocating actually? or maybe it's just quite impossible?

while i may have enjoyed spending precious time with one circle, there's always a hollow feeling tugging away in my heart reminding me that i'm probably spending too much.

i have been called back and this might not be how i want to start over.

2009-04-03T12:52:00.005+08:00

P.S : "koped" this from my sister blog who "koped" from adeline... but seriously.... these shows are more for kids >.<..... the facebook ones i declared i've no life... if you watched 85 movies and above, you have seriously no life! there's like 200 plus here. (Anyway who says that watch too much movie means no life?! i love movies!)

(X) The Cinderella Story
( ) Another Cinderella Story
(X) Step Up
(X) Step Up 2
(X) High School Musical
(X) High School Musical 2
( ) High School Musical 3
( ) Hannah Montana Movie
( ) Enchanted
( ) Sydney White

(X) She's the Man
( ) Licensed to Wed
( ) The Break-up
(X) 13 going on 30
(X) 27 Dresses
( ) P.s I Love You
( ) Made of Honour
( ) What Happens in Vegas
( ) Get Smart
( ) The Princess Brides

( ) Camp Rock
( ) Wild Child
( ) Ella Enchanted
(X) The Princess Diaries
( ) The Princess Diaries 2: Royal Engagement
(X) 50 First Dates
(X) The Lizzie McGuire Movie
( ) Hotel For Dogs
( ) Just Married
( ) Freaky Friday

(X) The Hot Chick
( ) Sleepover
( ) Confessions Of a Shopaholic
( ) Twilight
( ) Nancy Drew
(X) The Devil Wears Prada
( ) No Reservations
( ) Perfect Man
( ) Australia
( ) Never Been Kissed

( ) Yes Man
(X) Bedtimes Story
(X) The Pink Panther
( ) The Pink Panther 2
( ) Marley & Me
( ) Cheetah Girls
( ) Cheetah Girls 2
( ) Bratz
( ) Haunted Mansion
( ) Mall Cop

( ) The 40-year-old virgin
(X) Night in the Museum
( ) Night in the Museum 2
(X) Evan Almighty
(X) Bruce Almighty
(X) White Chicks
(X) Neverending Story
( ) Meet the Spartans
( ) Meet the Parents
(X) Meet the Fockers

( ) Scream
( ) Scream 2
( ) Scream 3
( ) Scary Movie
( ) Scary Movie 2
( ) Scary Movie 3
() Scary Movie 4
(X) American Pie
(X) American Pie 2
(X) American Pie Band Camp

(X) Harry Potter 1: The Sorcerer’s Stone
(X) Harry Potter 2: The Chambers Of Secrets
(X) Harry Potter 3: Prisoner of Azkaban
(X) Harry Potter 4: Goblet of Fire
( X) Harry Potter 5: Order of Phoenix
(X ) Lord of the Rings Fellowship of the Ring
(X ) Lord of the Rings The Two Towers
(X )Lord of the Rings Return Of the King
( ) Chronicles Of Narnia: The Lion the Witch and the Wardrobe
() Chronicles Of Narnia: Prince Caspian

( ) Indiana Jones and the Raiders of the Lost Ark
( ) Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom
( ) Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade
( ) Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull
(X) The Mummy
(X) The Mummy 2
(X) The Mummy 3
( ) Journey to the Centre of Earth
( ) City of Ember
( ) Finding Neverland

(X) Pirates of the Caribbean
(X) Pirates of the Caribbean 2: Dead Man's Chest
( ) Pirates of the Caribbean 3: At World's end.
(X) X-Men
(X) X-2
(X) X-3
( ) Spider-Man
(X) Spider-Man 2
( ) Spider Man 3
( ) King Kong
(X) Hellboy

(X) Star Wars Ep. I The Phantom Menace
(X) Star Wars Ep. II Attack of the Clones
(X) Star Wars Ep. III Revenge of the Sith
(X) Star Wars Ep. IV A New Hope
(X) Star Wars Ep. V The Empire Strikes Back
(X) Star Wars Ep. VI Return of the Jedi
( ) Underdog
(X) A Series Of Unfortunate Events
(X) Bat Man- The Dark Knight
(X) The Matrix
(X) The Matrix Reloaded
( ) The Matrix Revolutions

( ) Terminator
( )Terminator 2
( ) Terminator 3
(X) Ocean's Eleven
(X) Ocean's Twelve
(X) Ocean’s Thirteen
( ) Casino Royale
( ) Bourne Identity
( ) Bourne Supremecy
(X) Underworld
(X) Butterfly Effect
( ) Death Note
( ) Death Note 2
( ) Death Note 3: L Change the world

(X) Resident Evil 1
(X) Resident Evil 2
(X) I, Robot
(X) Rush Hour
(X) Rush Hour 2
(X) Rush Hour 3
( ) Mission Impossible 1
( ) Mission Impossible 2
( )Mission Impossible 3
(X) I am Legend
( )Predator I
( ) Predator II

(X) Signs
( ) Saw
( ) Saw II
() Saw III
( ) Saw IV
( ) Saw V
( ) The Grinch
( ) Texas Chainsaw Massacre
( ) Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning

( )The Ring (american one)
( ) The Ring 2
(X) Final Destination
(X)Final Destination 2
( ) Final Destination 3
( ) Ghost Ship
( ) From Hell
( ) Child's Play
( ) Seed of Chucky
( ) Bride of Chucky
( ) Gothika

( ) Nightmare on Elm Street
( ) The Grudge
( ) The Grudge 2
( ) The Haunted Apartment
( ) Siren
( ) Silent Hill
( ) The Mask
( ) Son Of The Mask
( ) Alone
( ) Omen
(X) House Of Wax

( )The Eye
( ) The Eye 2
( ) Shutter
(X) When the Stranger calls
(X) The Fog
( ) The Orphanage
( ) The Skulls
( ) Cruel Intentions
( ) Cruel Intentions 2
( ) House of 1000 Corpse
(X ) Lilo & Stitch
( ) Ice Age (X)
Ice Age 2: The Meltdown

(X) Madagascar
( ) Madagascar 2
(X) Kung Fu Panda
( ) Bolt
( ) Wall-E
(X) Monster Inc
(X ) Shark Tale
(X)Shrek
(X) Shrek 2
( ) Shrek 3

(X) Finding Nemo
( ) ET
(X) Cars
(X) Ratatouille
(X) Toy Story
( ) Toy Story 2
(X ) The Incredibles
(X )I Am Sam
( ) The Day After Tomorrow
( ) Coach Carter
( ) The Last Dance
( ) To Kill A Mocking Bird
( ) Conrack
( ) Midnight Sun
( ) Little Black Book
( ) Rwanda Genocide
( ) Ten Things I Hate About You
(X ) Titanic
( ) Romeo & Juliet
( ) Frankenstein
( ) A Midsummer Night Dream

uh... 84... waaa... considered no life too... i think it's because of the whole star wars and harry potter series >.<

2009-03-26T17:28:00.003+08:00

Easier said than done

oh? It's not being paranoid to suspect someone willing to go into a relationship with you is fooling with your heart because they probably will.

That's what I've learnt from my friends. They seek relationships so fervently, they don't want to remain single. I've seen my friends go through plenty of girlfriends. They want to "try" a relationship... that girl is hot, lets go and introduce ourselves..... very visual.

I was scorned when i told them that i want my first relationship to be the last, that when i decided to want a girl to be my girlfriend, she's the one I'll marry.

"how would you know if she's the one if you are not going to try now?" came the replies. And if all else fails, they said.... if the relationship does not worked out, 'just' break up. What do they treat women as?

害人之心不可有，防人之心不可无, i've always find this funny.... so you do not harm people, you are of moral... and uh.. but still you go around in a paranoid, suspecting state... it just doesn't fit...
if everyone were to follow this... everyone will still be wary despite that it's against their 'moral' to harm people. Anyway it's crap... we'll always have the intention to harm people ;/

I however believes in second chances, and as many more chances that my human capacity would allow me to tolerate because God have given me many many many >.<

2009-03-25T01:02:00.002+08:00

My interview

"so why are you here?" he asked

and i was stunned. then he continue to ask me what do i hope to achieve in my future...

typical questions for any interview.... but i never saw it coming.... it was just a course... i thought....with my grades, i have the money... but that's not what he's looking for.... i've totally miss the point of studying.

It is true that these 2 questions only serve to warn me about how tough the culinary industry...whether i am ready to go through with this or not... getting scolded for no apparent reason.... takes years to rise through the chef ranks, de pattie, sous chef blah blah..... freaking hot in the kitchen..... and why do i want a course like this?

not that i really have no choice in choices, but perhaps in terms of preferences? Did i really think it was so easy to become a chef? :S

2009-03-18T20:08:00.000+08:00

The moon?

God separated the light from the darkness. He also made two great lights - the greater light to govern the day and the lesser light to govern the night.

I was cycling in the dark yesterday and i was wondering... where is the moon? we could see the sun in the day... but at night there might not be a moon. why is that so?

It's always so dismal when dusk falls.... when the sun sets. I realized that the only times (apart from man-made artificial lights) i truly felt appreciative of the dark is when there's a moon.

Like a soft glow, a consolation... a reminder of the dawn that is to come.

saw this moon last month. 3 am..while taking a i-can't-sleep stroll down at the void deck.

2009-03-18T19:51:00.000+08:00

Chalet ~ night cycling

beautiful sunset at changi airport

Minhai and zhengyang

the sun droops lower on it's way to the horizon

Thought it's beautiful... the sunset and the street lamps together :)

east coast park ~

2009-03-16T14:38:00.000+08:00

Hard work

I forgot how it feels to work hard... or maybe perhaps i never did.

2009-03-13T18:32:00.000+08:00

What if God has spells? (just a thought)

Beacon of Light: The target becomes a Beacon of Light to all targets within a 40 yard radius. Any Grace you cast on the Beacon will give him/her the ability to heal any targets in the 40 yard radius. Any target can be the Beacon of Light. Does not work if the target is blinded, disorientated or confused.

Fear of the Future..?

2009-03-13T17:35:00.000+08:00

Fear of the Future..?

You are the one that always crush my pride...my confidence.

I'm a proud creature...and you know it, for i am your creation.

You are the one that make me doubt my own decisions, made me wonder where i should go, what i should do next.

Like a guided game of chess, you prompt me to make the right moves and you will always be there whenever i need your guidance.

you never fail to bring me back to you... always the worst of times, always the unexpected person, always words that affects me greatly.

I could be confident that i would be doing a single thing one moment and you could completely remove all my options and make me despair. And i would not know how to deal with it and with humility i finally turned to you... and you would give me your answer... always better than mine, always more, always promising.

Though i may not be sensitive to your grace at times but looking back, you always filled me with wonder. you worked through people, your wonders made me fear you, made me fear the future, of what you can do.....

...and it makes me wonder what i can do to be worthy of being your creation.

2007-01-17T22:59:00.000+08:00

If you look at it in a way, the world and the society around us expects greatly from us, our grades, the way we bring ourselves, the way we appeal to others, our looks, our talents and ability. The "better" you are determine how much you are "liked" by others isn't it? Admit it or not we all want this kind of attention and repect to a certain extent. like confindence, who doesn't want to be able to stand in the middle of a room filled with people and still causally be able to joke around? Confidence is a factor hard to build up, most people have some attributes that they have that they are happy abt, like looks....or maybe quick wits to come up with witty responses. With these attributes, the way they bring about themselves will greatly be increased.

But hey...the reason why some of us want that kind of confidence is that we want to bring yourself out like other people right?

Why? why be like them? Isn't it true that the talents people have is given by God? :D the same as he gave other attributes to you that didn't gave others? you are caring, and you tried to understand others. You asked what makes a leader? From the way i see it...it's more care and understanding than accomplishing your objective. And from the way i see it, although you may not have the confidence to voice out what need to be changed, done during the meeting...and you privately discusss with others about it. In my view, that is more important than someone who has enough confidence to do so during the meeting, but chose to dismiss the idea or to just blindly agreed with everything that was passed or said.

It's hard to ignored what people says about you, but remember that people....all of us are hypocrites, we talked, we backstabbed, we all have our own views, we have different principles and we liked and disliked different things. It's quite wrong to say that any one person served God too much.... in fact there is no such thing as serving too much. There's nothing wrong with being indecisive, there nothing wrong about asking for opinions, who says that people who tend to ask for 2nd opinion is not a good leader?

Don't change the way you do things for the sake of people, cos people affects people, just like the world affects us. It's hard to see what's right or not, what you should or should not do. The world always made fine lines between issues that they stand for.

Let God guide ya :D

Fear God, fear the world, fear yourself.

放下

2007-01-05T22:50:00.000+08:00

John 17:22 -23
And the glory which you have given to me I have given to them, so that they may be one even as we are one;

I in them, and you in me, so that they may be made completely one, and so that it may become clear to all men that you have sent me and that they are loved by you as I am loved by you.

When can we be in unity? It's near impossible in the days that we nowadays faced. who can hold fast? mutuality is fragile, but the lazer shall not wants to break the bond.

Light of the world
You stepped down into darkness
Opened my eyes let me see

Beauty that made
This heart adore You
Hope of a life spent with You

So here I am to worship
Here I am to bow down
Here I am to say that You're my God
You're altogether lovely
Altogether worthy
Altogether wonderful to me

King of all days
Oh so highly exalted
Glorious in heaven above
Humbly You came to the earth You created
All for love's sake became poor

I'll never know how much it cost
To see my sins upon the cross

(Call)
Call upon the name of the lord
And be saved

(Here i am to worship)

A new year, a new beginning? new resolutions?

A new year is a sign that time still pass mercilessly.

Time still flows..... towards the starting of eternity, towards the end of chaos.

2006-04-05T03:44:00.000+08:00

i love responsibility (who doesn't wants to have lots of things to be responsible about?) you get respected, you get more stuff to handle (which tires you a lot) and get good impression (and you would always be expected to meet the expectation and do better. but then you feel like you have no choice but to do the things that you are asked. the feeling that you are going to take a bigger task and later and even bigger task.)

the reward? more trust and advance in the social ranking? sure you get those.....and even more stuff to do.

tend to back out. can't handle it. had a big task coming up and all i'll do is to escaped. perhaps it's what i do best: get into trouble. I suppose i should type thank you God or sth like that but no... i dunno what to believe. whether it's my ehem innocent look, speech, actions, background and wadever reasons that had gotten me safe moments. it's often and it leads to each phrase in my life. i've grown. too grown. perhaps too calculating and complex to accept what actually happens?

someone said to me: you think too much. remember that the lord would want us to be as simple and innocent and accepting like a child? believe with your heart? sounds fascious. very hard for me to know.

feel, believe with your heart. very easy to say huh. can't even tell, know what i'm believing now. sure, i do know the model answer, and i can say: i KNOW that there is a God somewhere, but i'm not close to him. (prob is do i even believe that there is? or is it a model answer?)

after many many years of tutage saying that God created the world.... do i believe that?

isn't it easier to accept it? than to find out? not easy though.

2006-04-05T03:17:00.000+08:00

i met a movie goer at cineleisure, orchard ....like 3 days ago? time was 1.10am, roughly. ice age 2. a comedy. (that's not the point)

but that he was with a bunch of friends... about 5 or 6 altogether? and so is everybody else, mostly. and there i was all alone, watching a midnight late movie. 2 years ago i won't question anyone with the habit like mine of watching movies alone. but recently ppl start asking. 'you watch movies alone?' followed by an incredous look. it's pathetic, that's what they say. especially going alone to watch a horror movie, no one to share the fright with you. (which i do go alone)

the movie goer coincidentally was also by the name of alvin. oh of all names. so he spoke to me, introduced himself. and asked the question why i was alone (prob the key reason why he spoke to me)

i'm not typing this to convinced you guys that i infact like to watch it with others except that everyone is busy and such blah blah blah. no i'm not... in truth i would gladly go alone. not that i'm gonna type here why.

i felt more comfortable without friend by my side..... good news? dun give me the: you are so wrong dude... one day you will need friends thingy...

sure i know that. friends restricts, movement, actions, speech. maybe i should learn to adapt more though.

the proverb about the best medicine being the most bitter and effective? meaning that although harsh words may be as pain as a piercing arrow but it's meant to be for your good?

tell you guys what... i dun want any bitter medicine. i dun wan to be heal.

2006-04-05T03:13:00.000+08:00

what happens when you know what has to be done or change and knowing that you have to do it, but yet you can't find the motivation and the will or the desire and the urgency to do it? friends, force, persuasion, reasoning... nothing goes.... what will you do?

2006-04-05T03:03:00.000+08:00

ya know. i wanted to type long blog entries, writing everything i feel within it and you know...just blurting everything out so everyone knows clearly wad i feel. but no. i hate to do that. for one thing it would probably turned out to be a composition of self pitying and why this why that. which isn't what i wanna record down anyway. so instead everything should be short concealing which i'm sure you guys would take it as some kind of advice i'm dishing out and you would prob go: oh another advice... uh huh...so? why are ya telling me this?

2006-01-11T15:26:00.000+08:00

are you trying to prove me wrong? after 17 years of smooth leading and what others may call luck, you have now done this. JUST lay your GOD DAMN hand on him and heal him!!

I've known that you are doing and working on something. You can't possibly let him die for nothing. But what? what are you trying to prove? I know i've made you a promise. not actually to you but really i hope you will and make me hold to it. This is the first time i'm hoping that you will make your will clear. what do you want me to do? alright that's redunant. i know vaguely what i must do... but why can't...? that is means that if i do it Dad will recover? Is the problem with me or someone else? i won't know... and everyone is giving me damn encouragments about something or another. Lord i know it's one thing to believe in yourself....and another to tell people about your beliefs. so show me...show it to me. Like gideon? As clear as that?

Yes, as clear as you can make it. I'll wait, with soul my soul alert.

2006-01-04T03:48:00.000+08:00

what makes you look forward to the future?

2006-01-04T03:25:00.000+08:00

sitting in front of the computer...3.4oam....with three tests scheduled later on...desperately trying to put the feeling down. nada, nothing...

mixed feelings....
I shan't write a lot... cos i'm just gonna ask himself a question that pretty sums up the whole thing....

My actions, decisions, the way i think......

have i grown up?

lets turn back time.... I wish i could...i wish...

2005-12-30T04:40:00.000+08:00

sometimes, ignorance is truely bliss. it's perfect.

all that laziness.

putting aside all friendships, work and burden...

tiring, but rested.

time to get back to the real hard-life world. tomolo would be it.

i think i'm in love. a scenario that i can't possibly imagine i'm in. Is it really what i think it is? I still need to figure it out.

Tomolo is the last day for me to choing. Wish me luck.... *wry smile*

2005-12-25T20:18:00.000+08:00

we are old?

That is most definitely true.

remember when we were young we used to think that grown-ups are so clever? the way we try to puzzled out how come they knew so much? The always ponderous thought about whether we would suddenly learnt how to speak like them when we grew up?

face it. We have grown up. not so innocent, no longer young.

we longed to be 16 years old, the sweet year.
we longed to be 21, then 25.

before we realise, the most important part of our life is gone, our youth.

2005-12-22T20:18:00.000+08:00

self pitying, feeling unloved, feeling that everyone's disgusted eyes were on me?

wads with my dad and all that expectation. I'm not gonna see him in hospital ever again. I'm hating now. i dun care.

all that nature, my character....wads so dislikable? irritating? attitude? bad temper? i'll say wadever and whenever i want, hate people treating me as a not-grown-up, can't-be-serious guy. A person who doesn't mind being pulled a prank on, a guy who is sporting, will do anything you ask, a side-kick who gives lame jokes.

met anyone who says something to you that makes you dislike that person but in that moment in time can't think of anything to answer back and for the next few weeks or so he or she keep on his or her attitude towards you? you find yourself more and more disliking that person and one day all the mixed feelings came out in words and you drop the explosion on that person?

there are somethings that i can dun care. My education, my home, my stuff, me being poor.
but there are some things that i'm very conscious about. How people look at me. people doing something to you and they dunno that you mind, people not waiting for you when you ask them to, people not paying attention to whatever you suggested. why? why do they do this? cos they thought i wouldn't mind? or just dun care about me?

wad sensitivity is this? and they dare claim that their feelings are accurate? claiming that they are sensitive to people around them?

wad you think of quanyong?
oh okie lah, he very lame one...

i mind people saying stuff like that. there are some people who can be a joker, but i'm not. Of course who doesn't love people laughing along with them? i love it too. but how many times have you guys laugh ? how many times have the words: 'that's so lame!!' came out?

Maranatha, camp 2003. remember where i acted as a pregant woman and the younger brother who saw his elder brother looking at porn during talentnight? I made a lot of people laugh that night. I was crowned the best supporting male actor. but no, i felt terribly silly, i felt untrue to myself. I hate the fact that people laugh at me acting a fool on stage. i was willing to do stuff that was thrown at me...but i mind doing it.

sometimes i felt sorry for my dad. he always say in our quarrels that he always have been helpful in church because human relationship...like it or not...was forged by initiative and usefulness and people would be likely to help next time if we help first. Me and my sisters felt that my dad wasn't appreciated enough in church. he had done a lot for the church and wads the result? the church people gave him more things to do and so much so that everyday he wasn't even done by 2 am. My dad took initiative, whether he mind or not i do not know.

sometimes i see my friends having fun and i felt left out? sometimes you know your other friends are so bond with each other and you desperately wanted to be so too? Jealousy?

just be glad for them and tell yourself that you need more time to be with them? nah. i can't do that. It's not me. it's just not me. tell yourself stuff that console yourself? wads the point? You know that something is unfair here and here you are assuring yourself that it's nothing? Life is unfair, but i rather believing in that fact than telling myself that things in life is not wad it always seems.

i'm sure you heard me saying this before but i'm gonna say it again. I'm tired of acting... i hate people thinking of me as a joker who only knows how to be lame... but i also dun wan people to think that i dun join in the 'fun' and therefore left me out in things

So tell me...how do i be true to myself and be happy? It's either i act what i am not or be true. either ways i'm still unhappy in church.

2005-12-17T11:50:00.000+08:00

What can i say....i did not enjoy the camp a single bit.

Firstly i'm a not-paid camper...after the camp everyone was even more...if i could say that is...everyone was more 'bonded' to their friends.

i was not.

i felt left out, lonely, scornful of every single lame stuff i heard.

2005-11-14T10:57:00.000+08:00

An inreversible-reserval?

alright so i've noticed.
Have i really? will it lasts? Inextoxirical impossible.
That's how it seems to me sometimes. Though i always thought i could just it as i believe it's more of my self-control. I don't wanna repeat a mistake. I make lots of mistakes, lots lots. But i would hate to repeat it. Every mistake is a meniagueous memory to a very heavy lesson learnt.

But a change. Is there a side effect? more tired? more lightening? Wouldn't you make some very wise choice in life and after which feel pleased with yourself for making it? wouldn't you sometimes wanted to try a lot of things out but never had the courage to do so? Lazyness? Not so much. weird feelings of embarrassment rather.

I may may may be liking poly life....for....a change.
I really hope it lasts.
hope it really lasts.

2005-10-22T13:45:00.000+08:00

Me.......childish?

Firstly, haven't you realised now how fake the internet is? I can easily pretend to be a girl on maple and you wouldn't even know. My personality, how serious i am, how generous i am, i can easily alter it by doing or saying something.

The question: So how do you know i'm childish? As in, you can't say that i'm one childish person. For all you know i may not be.

The answer:Well so it happens you are right, i behave just like what you know me as in real life. But why shouldn't i? I have this crazy, joking, Can't-be-serious attitude since young. life is hard, difficult, full of prejudice. Why be so serious about it? Be mature.....to what? face these problems? Sure, sometimes we should be serious about some things in life. But be serious in a game???? Come on, you are supposedly to relax from the harsh world through gaming. (therefore those people who play games with the three words: To quickly level in their mind really don't understand the concept of mmorpg. Why the hurry to level? wads the rush? It's an mmorpg...take your time, there is no rush, just have fun)

For all you guys who ever have thought of me as childish, not-matured-yet and have mistaken my jovial attitude as an act of pre-maturity, i don't really blame you. It's pretty easily and effortless to come up with this kind of feeling.

Secondly. Khai, you weren't the first one who have told me this before. A lot of people have mention this issue to me but they weren't using the direct tone you used and at that point of time i didn't have the correct explanation for them. But after u pointed that out, i was pondering and decided to gave everyone an answer.

finally thank you for reading this and well i hope we have an understanding. Friends forever ^^

2005-10-22T00:23:00.000+08:00

Horoscope

The gift of speech. Unique to us humans, it's an amazing thing to be able to communicate using proper formed sounds. But yet, too much of talking results in self conscious and neglection.

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Stress brings about loss in sensitivity, irritation?

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thirdly, my character, style is my own. words, choice, decisions are mine to make. No one can ask me to do whatever i don't want to do.

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The empty feeling

2005-10-19T02:27:00.000+08:00

this feeling, ever felt like this before? Sitting in the dark typing, thinking, pondering, trying to collect your thoughts and on the verge of tears?

loneliness. Suddenly found that the people around you have all ignored you? none have given you as much concern that you wish they had given you? so say they are not aware, that ignorance, staring at them chatting cherily with other friends. feeling lost, worthless, wishing that you could have done something. harsh words, false accusations.

could have ignored all of it completely, put up a brave front, get on with life but comon, are they going to leave you as you are?

no. life is harsh. here am i trying to engrossed myself in a whole new virtual life, resulting boredom, and greater realisation of loneliness. what works anymore? nothing works anymore, nothing.

"life could you be a little softer to me? softer softer.... softer....to me"

my sisters?

2005-10-16T21:42:00.000+08:00

i have never thought of it that way. My sisters are all matured already. Not saying anything in a proud way but i had a pleasant surprise when i found out wanqin wearing a dress to meet her friends for a movie, and making some of the tough decision i've found myself making once in a while. seriously i was quite proud of them.

being the eldest amongst the three of us in my family i'm ashamed to say that throughout my sister's period of maturing i've never been a good example to them. Honest. I would say more of perhaps a comparison to themselves. It's up to them to whether accept what i did, or to change it. Again i was never seriously good at any studies, arts or learning. But seriously, i'm proud to say, they are independant, i absolutely admire them for that. Studies on time, knowing when to sleep for the next day test. Want to show them a clip on the internet and they would refused, complaining of their next day exams.

As much as these feelings, i never really thought of taking care of them. somehow it just doesn't fit with my feelings for them. To say that i love my two sisters was a really foreign word to me. I can't bring myself to even utter it.

But whatever it is, they ARE my sisters and i'm proud of them. Of that it will never changed.

i seems to get it, but now i still quite don't.

2005-10-16T21:05:00.000+08:00

i sort of had a real big hook on computer games, so much so that i fail 1 moldule and scraping though the rest of my moldules. my mentor saw this problem of mine and recommend me that i should considered going for national service first as i don't have the mind to study. it really wouldn't help if i failed all my moldules and end up not getting a diploma and wasting three years doing practically, yes practically nothing. after my national service, so say my mentor, i should come back and continue my studies. he strongly believes that being in the service would wake me up properly, so that i would not make a fool of my studies and therefore study seriously.

the irony about this whole issue of course is that my obsession over computer games. adding to that irony is that i actually chose my current poly course myself. like it so much that i actually quarrel with my mum who tried to persuade me to chose other more 'useful' courses like business or biomedical.

so above was my self pity for my blunder.

covering right now is how i intend to do it, to make up for it, to remedy this very seriously fatal mistake.

somehow i talked to preacher wu and thank God she was a great help. was worried for me and am sorry to have found her a nuisance at times. she offered help and ways in many forms. Cds, christian's books, and numerous counseling.

it had however made me realised that i really need to change, to improve.

sometimes it seems easy and i find myself succeeding, however not always.

well one more thing my mentor told me. going off to national service is only an escape from the problem. why not stay and tackle the problem, change my habit, my obsession and score well for my next 2 and a 1/2 years.

strange

2005-07-26T12:17:00.000+08:00

i've always have this kind of feeling.

i've always have much more fun mixing with people that im not familiar with rather than with people that i'm close with.

perhaps i've known them lesser and since there is so much things to talk about, there was a lot of convor.
and i've known you guys for so long that sometimes i find that i have absolutely nothing to talk about with you all.

halp....think this is some kind of isolation negative begining.....

2005-06-29T12:58:00.000+08:00

was pissed yesterday....when i was a bit slow to understand people words doesn't mean that i'm dumb. perhaps she has little patient as she claimed, but that's no reason to ...hey, gimme that irritating look.and anyway she wasn't really able to communicate in a way that people could know wad u are saying at once.

so she was mad cos her communication skills is lousy...

so decided to forgive her....

today was practical.....we are divided into 8 groups....i and her are in diff group.....went to find her to have lunch together after my practical....her group haven finished yet....i saw her smiling slightly as she worked...then she happened to saw me and she abruptly turned back to her work, her smile all gone.

that was the last straw....went for lunch myself....decided to avoid her from now on.....had a feeling that she doesn't want me around her...

and the irony.....went to SIM for lunch....i finished mine and was on the way out of the cafe and on the way saw her with some other people from our course

she was talking non stop and laughing....and she didn't saw me ....at all.

great friday

2005-06-04T00:47:00.000+08:00

uh huh....today that's is, enjoyed myself tremendously. our school adventure seeker club is having games day every friday, so decided to join it. at first wasn't so keen, but when i did went, i find myself blending into their cliques...not bad really. well so it sets me thinking that sometimes you have to force yourself to do stuff and then the results would kick in. kk, i'll stop here today. tomolo's saturday and i know u guys are gonna sleep till late late!!!.

i'm back

2005-06-02T18:29:00.000+08:00

yea....changed my blog skin and add music =)

still coping with poly life anyway.....

i start school with the mentality that i'm gonna do well for the next three years as i did badly for secondary school when i can actually do better. it's a pity yea? =/yea u can be damn sure it was. well it's the way things goes, you've done it, passed it, stopped, looked back, then u regret.

okie so i've regret and wanna start anew and as the first week passed and the ending of the second week i realised that i've beginning to lose it. lose wad? lose the discipline that i've mustered from the secondary bad results, that is, to work hard in poly. realised that i've been waking up and find that i'm late for class and thus deciding not to go to school. didn't went to school for a total of 4 days now. and worse, sometimes not even wanna to go to school. diao, u guys must be thinking that oh man these are problems that we all face, we all will bound to feel sian about school. okie, i understand that it's a big fuss over i hope nothing, but i've always been so "dun care" about stuff, so it's a worry. really hope to change that. REALLY REALLY.

kk shall end here, still have maths engineering homework to do ~.~

...

2005-02-24T15:11:00.000+08:00

sometimes u get bored not beocs u have nothing to do....it's becos u have everything.

yep 10+ days of raving at mmorpg and battlenets have left me really bored at those games....especially mmorpg....

(that's y i updated in the first place anyway.... :oX )

Saved by a girl (event happened on the 3rd of feb~thurs)

2005-02-04T22:08:00.000+08:00

yea yea, noe the title sounds pathetic and watever u guys think it sounds like. u guys would go, "ooh, how humilating..." but watever, it's real and it really happened.

ok, so it happens that after i finished working(which ends at 6) decided to watch a movie cos i felt like it. catch the movie elektra at 7, well the action was good and it gave me an inspiration for my novel but the plot was lousy. Basically toking abt this killer mercenary who learns to discover her inner power and resurrect a girl who was going to be stronger than her in the future? lots of flashbacks and thoughts, very not exciting at the beginning.(yea jeremy you r correct)

the movie starts at 7.20, 20 mins of comercials, how cheater is that???!!! ok fine, that's not all, the movie ends at 8.50, a 1h 30 mins movie, not even 2 hrs.

kk, so not in the mood to go home yet, so took a free shuttle bus which travels from great world city to orchard rd.(in case u guys wanna visit me next time....which is oh so unlikely, in front of tangs city there is this bus stop yea? wait there, the shuttle bus to great world will stop there. interval i think 20 mins or so, so if u miss one, happie waiting ) walked around orchard rd and ended up playing 2 hrs of lan till 12pm plus. oh boy, no money left, only have abt like...$2. waited at bus stop beside cineleisure, waited till 12.35 but no 77, 174 or 174M.

Then there was this girl at the bus stop, she was there for a long time, look like some sec 2 or sec 3 girl(that's wad i thought)

So after a long while rite, this girl came towards me and asked if i noe 174M comes to this bus stop anot. told her i dunno, not sure. she had the "china accent" so well, waited for another few minute before concluding that the last bus of 77 and 174 had passed by and that 174M doesn't come to this bus stop.

ok so she decided to take a taxi and i told her to go ahead as i didn't have enough money for the ride. she asked me wad i intended to do, i told her if worse come to worse then i have to stay there all night lor. well she asked me where i lived and i told her. so coincidentally lar, that she lived around the same area. she suggested taking a taxi together and that means she will be paying the fare. i sort of erm....erm...dun wan lah, but she say nevermind. i wanted to go home badly, i mean, dun wan to stay out all night rite? so i agreed.

took taxi and learnt that she wasn't a secondary pupil. she was in fact age 18 and above.(dunno the exact age....didn't asked) ok the reason that i thought she was secondary at first cos she was ok well.....short, almost as high as....heh.....grace, erm actually about 30 to 40cm higher than grace lah. well...not that short was a prob in my misthinking....i mean.....take ying hui for example....she was short too...but she dressed smartly and u see....so anyone can see that at least the clothes speaks out her maturity. but the girl was dressed in jeans and t-shirt.....and so u noe....looks quite young. on top of that, wearing specs and being short, she looks kinda young, you noe, the cute cute kind. yah well, so she was studying in ngee ann poly and just finished her common test. oh yah, she was the sort of talkative kind of girl, she would ask me sth, i would answer in brief, (cos i find it hard to talk a lot to strangers) then she would reply and then asked another question.

well, when i say she was talkative, dun get me wrong by thinking that she was takling non-stop all the time. it's just that she was friendly and doesn't felt awkward toking to me, given that this is the first time we met and we are of oppsite sex.(not that of opposite sex then first time meet cannot be friendly, but it's that would u helped a guy whom u just met to solve a problem regarding money? not many of us would do that.) anyway to conclude this feeling, i felt that she was very comfortable among guys.

ok, so we alighted at the church's bus stop. i went my way and she went across the road towards bukit timah plaza. should have sent her home, but i didn't thought of it at that time. sort of regretting it now. i mean, she helped me get home and paid for my fare, the very least i could do is to see her home rite? well, what's done is done, but it was all a pleasant encounter, we met, chatted, know a bit abt each other and departed, all along not knowing the other person's name, isn't it weird?

yea definitely, must thank God from this, surely this must be his aid in my times of need. real thankful, got home safely in a way and managed to sooth my dad's agitated feeling about me comin home late again by saying i'm sorry. (i dun say that very often)

ok so far, i could say, am having quite a nice experience at work. (and u guys better come down to great world some day these few days to visit me lor...i'm working until the 8th of feb....this tues. heyz, wanting also working at great world too, she's working at kinderland, teaching kids piano and chinese...is it chinese? i think so...forgot)

tata, cya guys and take care t school. =)

i'm back

2005-01-25T08:30:00.000+08:00

yea....back from the non-post period..so yea...back to post amd updating again. actually got nothing to post.....jus that i'm really busy working....oh no...not sian of course...i really enjoy the work i have now...things are started to liven up.i shall give one account of wad happened. have to post fer u guys sake.....so therefore shall charge a fee of $5 for your reading pleasure and my painful writing....( face of agony)

there was this customer that walked in and well wel.....he was really rich lah...go and order 6 kg of bacon...(bacon was $5 per 100g....really expensive). so we told him to come back in around 45 mins time. then of course we have to roast until siao lah....then becourse this bacon thingy was very oily.....oily but good to eat...that's y it's so expensive....okok...so it's oily rite? so whenever we roast it the oil and the netting tends to burn...yea i really do mean burn. so wad we usually do is to blow out the flame lah....but if i gets too big we have to use the tongs to carry the netting up to fan it. so yea....lets enter it proper....we usually use only one barbecue pit...(there are 2) so now we opened up another pit and started to roast....there was me, my superviser and another bbq assistant....quite despo rite.....yah.....3 ppl crowded at 2 bbq pit....the room so small too...yeah and now there was this really big flame and without thinking i jus blow it and it....erm well....jus extinguish....i was surprised....so was everyone else....then they r saying....watever,...i got a lot of stm and stuff like that......then another big flame came up and i blew it out in one puff too.....ok.....then now everyone was saying....wow....u steady arrr.....

no lah....dun mean to brag that i got a lot of stm and all that but well....they praise me and it felt good...in case u guys didn't now y this incident was important to the reason y i am starting to like it there....let me explain. well....the people working there are that kind of serious serious type of ppl....if i say sth that usually u guys when u heard it would start crapping, they would jus give some standard ans....and well..that's that's....so not my type of ppl lah....but after this incident they started being more friendly to me lar....

2nd incident....okok....so i did say i'll only mention one incident but since i'm in such a good mood after crapping about the incident and that i'm such a friendly person, i shall include a bonus paragragh.....it is worth another $5 and including the previous $5 , it will be $10. be it will be automatically deducted from your edusave....

okok....crapping crapping.....ignore me....now 2nd incident.....

there was this family of 5....father , mother and 3 children....they brought 3kg of this sliced chicken(seldom got ppl buying this lar....mostly they buy sliced pork) ok so they brought other stuff other than the sliced chicken....then the father told us he was a safra member but he forgot to bring out his membership card and wan us to deduct 10% off the total....but how can...how we noe if he is lying or not and plus he did not brought a lot of stuff too....the total not exceeding $100...

then guess wad? he told us that....ok never mind, i dun wan to buy already.....then he jus walked out of the shop like that.....worse still....leaving his wife and 3 children behind.....erm.....ok....really useless man rite? the wife some more asked us nicely to do watever we can to discount.....

so after they left, our superviser was tsking abt the man attitude ...then she say....aiyo...the men nowadays are getting more and more useless...

heh...of course i retort lah...saying....oei...dun need to say it in front of me rite? ( that day only me the only guy in the shop) the other guy was at the back barbecuing. then they started to crap lah....sort of nice feeling too....

THE END

okok.....stop reading...it's the end......get it???????? 1, 2,3 .....read enough? u can now press the 'X' button on the top right hand corner and get out of this webpage or u can type sth else in the address box and go there....oei....STOPPPPPPP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! stop reading...........get your nose out of this page......oh well....u aren't gonna stop reading yea......ok fine.....i'll stop rite here......

U STILL READING????????????????? hey quit it.....i'm not gonna be around here all day to wait for u to stop reading u noe? ALRIGHT!!! i'm ending here...so there.

yea yea.....yer STILL here.....y can't u stop??? u got more important stuff to do than to hang here all day i'm sure.....shoo SHOO SHOO!!!! get away....i have more important things to do too....if yer not going....i am...

THE END( IT REALLY IS, NOW BUZZ OFF )

things to accomplish in the dirty year-2005

2005-01-05T01:07:00.000+08:00

1. winds of oricon:School of warpation
2.education pull back
3.musically excellence
4.physically fitter(JH)
5.socially
6.spritually
7.mentally

shan't elaborate....why should i?

sian is not the word...how about tired of living?

2005-01-05T00:47:00.000+08:00

nah....tired of the entry number wad wad wad so i shan't put anymore.

hey....starting of this year, 2005....well, been thinking as i've got sooo much time to myself...a bit tired of my character....sometimes i made myself feels sick and once i've cried about it....so i've decided...since plenty of people IS changing around me, i might as well...not mentioning any names...

plenty of ups and downs for this year...downs mostly...couldn't really say that it was a pretty bad year though as there were a few bonus...new friends,new beginings....

forgotten friends,lost friends,and others who r really begining to gore at your nerves...

this year i've managed to discover some traits of the new me that i wanna become, quite briefly i've acted it out...not desirable results though...will continue to work on it to perfection.

most ironically, the downs throughout the year has mostly been my closest friends...others due to education or stress from parents...

some of the events of this year are my proudest in my whole 16 years...joy as well as unhappiness again.

2005...another new phrase for me.....for some of my friends too...

lets say i'm struggling to cope with it even like now.

Entry thirteen:

2004-12-24T10:35:00.001+08:00

guess wad? woke up at 9.30am.super,suppose to meet jeremy, xiucheng and his friends at bukit panjang at 9....am i super or wad?lost my tong shin lu, so can't contact them,told my sis that if they call, told them that i'll meet them at fullerton hotel.so i stoop a little low here to use my sis as a media...she at home mah, so use her lor.the interview was smooth lah, but i'm quite scared of the assistant banquet manager, he is again that kind of sarcastic person, quick witted, sharp tongue...watever.was employed, must wait for their call though.went to lao ba sha to eat.then i and jeremy went to the airport to get minhai.we thought we would be late, but when we arrive at 3.30pm, corrine, grace,jamin, alison have not arrive yet.we sat on the burger king's seats and well, wait to see when they come.i saw jamin first, he was carrying the signboards and the rest ran after him towards belt 23.they all missed us except corrine.well, we waited till nearly 5.they came out of the arrival hall, not sort of condition that i was expecting.cos i thought they would be late and such but instead they were still quite DOTIE, LAME.feel veri bad todae leh, cos a lot of ppl treat us... and jamin was like always saying...i veri hungry leh...so ppl jus treat us lor...not that i say it's not good lah, but he veri straight forward lor.anyway minhai's dad treat us to burger king then we went to westmall to meet mr goh and shi moo.(yah....i noe...sounds like cow...stop drooling, joanna...>=) ) so we got to some touch community dunno wad and watch some christmas preparation.their dancing and singing i dun like.then later we went to a place nearby to makan...jamin wimpering again...mr goh and shi moo treat.then we went home,jamin send grace home...(not putting grace in caps, haha....dotie)and i send michelle home...no lah...jus see her go up the stairs...heh.then went to grace block, wait for jamin to come down, then he see mi home,then he went to the playground to meet some erm,...mysterious person...uh huh....i didn't ask who... a girl perhaps? woot...

todae i learnt a lesson...dun ever make corrine or yam laugh man...cos if u do, the scene is gonna get hilarious.grace's is contagious and corrine's is deadly.erm....say until a bit serious lah...but it's true wad...(dun blame me r u 2...)

Entry twelve:truth or dare sucks

2004-12-22T09:28:00.000+08:00

today was a seemingly normal day for me.suppose to meet yam,alison,jeremy,stellicia,corrine,joanna and yisin at the bus stop so as to prepare some banners to welcome back minhai and veronica??? when yam called me the other day,i was thinking wat a good idea it is to go to the airport to welcome them back....but banners???!! i was thinking that wasn't neccessary.....but oh well....since they wanna do...then lets do it as a group.so at 12 pm....was using the last minute kind of com....and so told them that i would be comin around shortly.when i arrived at the bus stop at 12.15pm.surprise...no one there.bearing the thought that they might have gone to eat first,i went to the market...they r not there.went to popular, not there.the food court, nope.went back to the market...not there too...went home....called ginny....thought she was with stelly they all...but opps....she is with hui yi and made a fool out of myself.called stellicia....they r at KFC.told mi to wait at yam's void deck.felt idiotic,running over the place ...only to find them at some other places that i didn't thought of searching.Read the fifth book of the Pendragon series.they arivied and we went up...was silent.....thought that i'm angry or something...cos stelly says sorry for taking so long...was like huh? ok....so we went up....hoobey..no caryons...only water based markers.after that decoration, went to yisin's family's ice cream palour at dunno where....still dunno what is the name of the shop.so we went there....still feeling bad abt eating for free...well...u might have guess it...played truth or dare. it's dare all the way.thought i could do the dare...but no man...i chicken out...totally disapointed in myself...could never act in front of the security guard..couln't even bring myself to look at him.did i told u guys before that i was a stutter...well that's what i did....stutter in front of him and avoiding eye contact at all cost.felt damn silly afterwards...it's like shouting something horrible at the guard and immediately turning away.i'll never forget this incident.
went to jeremy's hse...had a bit of mapling.now i noe that jeremy is other wise known as the maple boy by his father..haha.hilarious....doesn't it sounds cute?went home at 11pm.reached home at 11.35pm.will meet jeremy and da ge tomolo for job interview at swenson.my 2nd job..hop it's not as bad as the first.

Entry eleven:Life sucks 12/12/04 6.30pm sunday

2004-12-13T21:10:00.000+08:00

DIdn they say that if u break a mirror u wld hav 13 yrs of bad luck? Well, i duno if i believe in that,but i felt tat it wld be true for me, even as i write my family r quarreling outside my slammed DOOR.Feeling tired,frustrated now, and speaking of that,i muz say that my emotions really changes alot. Today, if u guys rmb was christmas celebration for fellowship. Rmb the Cafe Latte cup i bought in malacca, was supposed to be for the gift exchange. However i like the cup so much tat i decided to keep it. So last night i was deciding wat present i cld give. My mum brought out a box of puzzle showing horses galloping on seawaves. Yes, the one that you gave me for my birthday last yr, edmund. well, so she wanted me to give that, hilarious. Laughed at her, told her that i cant exchange something in front of the person that bought it. My sister, quanmei was also exchanging presents the next day. It was a photo frame and a Japanese CD featuring instrumental Christmas songs from Daiso at IMM. So i managed to trick her into taking the puzzle for exchanging so I cld take hers. (Seriously, thought that the puzzle was ugly.)

That was yesterday. Today morning, my sister changed her mind, took back the present when i wasn't looking. I demanded it back, quarrelled. I won and left for church as I was in a flustered hurry. (Woke up at 9.00am to practise the songs for that day. Edmund lingshi, can't take it lightly, anyway he sounds stressed yesterday.)

Things began to perk up during the games and the gifts exchange. Well. after that things began to feel sombre for me. I don't know if it is the same with everybody or it is just for me, but whenever i get very active, two things happen. If you are in a very lame and crapping mode, either ppl around you get the 'disease' and begin to crap too and you get higher and higher. Or ppl around you stone, says things like 'lame lah' and dampen you down. The second option happened. It always happens to me all the time. And i got the usual MOOdy thing. so anyway i got moody, not surprising rite. yeah rite, mean lah you all. The mood last real long till 3.30pm, after i came dowm from the mu shi lou from hua ying choir practice.

I was tlking to corrine stellicia the two GRACE (which i shall from now on refer to yam and heah), veronica and yisin. corrine heah veronica and yisin were crapping and playing 2-0-5 [WATEVER.]. I stellicia and yam looked bored. I moved over to where alison and samuel were talking. I just sat in, you know wat i mean, listening. Talking a lot NS experience lah, funny conversation. They were both talking, laughing. Then they suddenly shoot some qns at me. I answered then they continued.

THen yam went on stage for 18/12/04 christmas celebration rehearsal. COrrine and the rest clapped and wooted. Eh... so the cheering up starts here. then they dragged Samuel into playing big fish small fish, he kena abt 5 times, ginny 10, stelly 6-7, alison around 6. I got none, pro rite? Yeah?

So anyway, after ginny kena 10times, everyone ended the game promptly. rushing to somewhere? dunno, so everyone went home, and i was by my lonesome self again. yam went home with her bag, violin case and prezzies (presents, cuter way of saying it). I didnt bother to help her. dun feel like it, in the dumps again.

Carried Jamin's bag and went to the music room, surprised to see the praise choir still in there. shortly after, most left for home except for me zehao edmund isaaclim and wong (tt's wat i wld refer to in the future too), and leawei. WE listen to zehao's rendition of 'longing', sounds familiar, shld be expecting scores from him this saturday 18/12/04.

My mood went down another level, edmund was ignoring me too, toking to the others. So i just listened to the music and all the while badgered by leawei. Well the music also adds to the mood doesnt it always does when you listen to slow romantic movie type of music?

Ok so i shant say anymore of the music room session, went home and guess wat? surprise, bed in a mess, rmb the morning incident? yeah, quarrelled with sister, so anyway she bu shuang and she tear down my make shift shelf above my bed. Only 5 ppl wld understand abt how complicated the shelf is, took me ages to think of and build it. Ok so you 5 guys rmb the circular mirror tt my sister gave me? Yep, the one with the picutre of some chinese garden behind. I took it and attacked the floor outside my sister's room. (My sister not back from sunday school yet)

Whoa, big reaction. My mum woke up, my sister, wanqin, came running. I shouted some very rude words and yeah that's rite, slammed the door.

My father came home, quanmei came home. THe two of them quarrelled.

Sad day huh? Cld conclude that. Tomorrow I'm learning violin from yam. That better be a gd lesson, I'm demanding a GREAT deal from myself.

Feeling sick and tired of being despised, beginning to hate the clowning traits i have, hating the way i acted. hated the way i regret after some words i said, and so most hating how i exactly i am.

Gorging on food now. Guess wat, the packet of fish murruku is finished. Isn't that great? guess since my night is already ruined, i might as well slp early.

GOing to miss the star awards tonight. Whole family is watching it now except me, sad rite? Wat's more, they have already cheered up, forget the incident, happily watching tv. Me? In my room, feeling sorry for myself, P-A-T-H-E-T-I-C.

well, if you guys are reading this, that means i had managed to post this on my blog. My computer is spoilt in case nobody cared to remember.

Wise words of the day: If you give time to God, He will give you double. (Quoted from Samuel)

Entry ten:The jammed door......poor stelly 11/12/04 saturday

2004-12-13T20:41:00.000+08:00

woke up at 10am.Hurried to the piano,supposed to meet wu at the music room for our music lesson at 11.30am and i have not practiced yet.

grace yam called,1pm at west mall.First to reach.Yay!!! Grace and Stellicia came.Was surprised at how cool stellicia was.(the salesman incident)

Met Joanna n Jermery at the cinema entrance.Met corrine at "tou fu". Edmund n Veron came later.Few things surprised me tat day.I nv knew Jermery n Joanna was so fun to be with.Well, obviously since this is the first time i hang out with them.

We shopped for pressies for the gift exchange the nxt day.I bought 3 stuff toys.3 for $9.90 i borrowed $6 frm Joanna(relax,i wun forget one). $3.80 frm stellicia that night for dinner.

Y i bought the stuff toys? Cos...i wan a white polar bear whose expression looks like Daniel.(see blog entry 9:conclusion) but since it's sold in 3s, so i brought another 2 puffin birds which i gave my sister later.

We walked around n chanced to see this alvin n grace puzzle shaped keychain. they begin to tease both of us n i was like "wah lao",i treat them so nicely n this is how they treat me!! =( pretty lame la they all. So i was destinated to like Grace becos of some keychain?

2.45pm we left for church choir rehersal. The rehersal was a mess, felt tired. Edmund looked a bit subdued,tired,sian or sthg,i duno.

Had dinner with stellicia,GRACE,corrine,joanna n jermery.We crapped a lot during dinner until Joanna,corrine n GRACE became HIGH..leaving me,stellicia n jermery wondering wat went wrong with the food.

Anyway,nothing to do after dinner,so went over to GRACE hse. Stellicia was SO SMART.She locked the front door for security reasons.N hoobey, it really WAS secured,we cant even get out of GRACE hse.In the end, we had to climb out of the hse,sneaky huh?

Then,they visited my hse.Joanna,Jermery n GRACE watched the singapore idol encore while stellicia n corrine pore over my unfinished puzzle. Managed to put a few pieces in la.Then at 8.15pm,they left my hse. Force me to accomanpy GRACE home,the rumours started again.>=( Another diaoz feeling.U guys tell me lah,GRACE is lunch rite? I like to eat alot cannot meh,i always eat alot of burgers after choir practise de mah.Anyway, when we reached GRACE hse, the door was fixed.

Entry nine:conclusion

2004-12-13T20:15:00.000+08:00

Didn't i say that i wld wan this camp to be also as fruitful as last yr? Well, it didn't.Not as fruitful. But of cos i made a few progress,in terms of frenship i mean.

Dun think i made progress with the gang, but the progress with new frens.

Elon: Well, i'm surprised he talked to me on the bus,was quite shocked lah.Find him quite easy to communicate with. He cracks lame jokes n really knows how to bring out his point.Use a lot of chim chim words,hav to ask for the meaning.I think he looks better when he smiles.But duno who say he looks funny when he smiles.

Daniel: Some of u guys out there on the Komputer seats noes wat effect shuai geS has on me heh? Well,Daniel is my latest target lah.Dun think crooked, just wanna make frens,then i cld keep him around to pei wo.NO LAH!!! Anyway,chanced to talk to him during the camp,quite cute lah. Will continue to pursue him one. LOL, wat r u guys thinking?!!!?

Entry eight: Final day-->3rd day

2004-12-13T19:54:00.000+08:00

Aiyo, woke up at 8am, missed lingxiu. Went for breakfast, MOOdy still,nobody tok to me. Packed luggage.

Shopping trip, waste my time hanging out with the guys.They r juz crapping abt sthg,then moving on to the nxt shop. I wanna buy sthg for give xchange tat sunday.So i shopped alone.Met Stellicia n gang. Say she like some bear. Tot she meant the yellow one instead of the brown one,so i bought her tat lor.(shan't say how i felt at tat time,abit komplicated)

Stopped at some tourist attraction on the way to some restuarant for lunch.Climb up some steep steps to reach some dilapilated church. We stopped at a booth manned by some shuai guy making some personalised keychain n handphone accessories with wires.

Yu huan n Joanna made so many names tat i had no time to make any for my frens. So anyway, we were late.Several elders were not happie.

Lunch, quite MOOdy, sat with Xiucheng n Elon again. Slpt on the bus. Mindy forgot her passport,got delayed a little. Shuping laoshi accompanied her back to the hotel. Dun really like Mindy,dun mind me saying this,but i tot she was a little bit bitchy.

Went home, an hr of tv, slp for 13hrs until 10am the nxt day.

Entry seven: 2nd day

2004-12-13T19:31:00.000+08:00

Had our gospel on the seventh floor. The gospel was hard, the leaders had a brief "wat to do" meeting when it was time to break into our grps n discuss. I had shuping laoshi to guide me, so it wasn't so bad. I wasn't worried abt the discussion at all. Until Edmund approach me to ask whether i understood wat the gospel was abt. First impression was like huh? then wah. Cos in my impression Edmund was always very spiritual one and quite mature n experienced one. So was surprised tat he was asking me wat to do. then Yingshan n Alison also came n say tat they feel lost too. So i was like more WAH!! then ok...my grp was difficult to handle, with 2 monkeys n the rest like corspes u cant expect an answer frm them at all.

Lunch, i came down to hav lunch with Sharon, Jamin, Edmund, Grace, then we go up to visit Alison cos she's not feeling well. We rang the door bell, knocked on the door, n got ready to give her a surprise. Nobody open the door.

Sharon went to her room cos she sick n needed rest. The rest of us went down, meet Yingshan, shuping laoshi and the alison whom we r looking for. Tok abt the OH SO DIFFICULT gospel.

Games. Fun. Like the lame series of questions.

Gospel tat night was a series of A n Q with a discussion n explaination session later. I enjoyed tat. THen after the closing ceremony, there was a special prog. Enjoyed tat too. Played a huge round of big fish small fish afterwards. My sis kena 4 times. Qiuxiang laoshi kena 5 times..YAY! =)

The leaders went for their meeting. After the meeting, instead of resuming the game, almost 20+ of us went out for supper. It was like 2am in the morning. they were laming n stuff. There was this yam seng thingy...ppl looking at us,i was going diaoz. So i ignored them. After the whole supper, felt tired n lost. Always did when i was in a huge grp. So i walked ahead of them towards the hotel.

Was touched when Jamin ran after me, concerned. I ignored him however. Duno wat to tell him at that time leh, so i kept silent. Went back to the hotel, stayed in rm 1204, as i duno hav the key to Edmund's rm. Heard Edmund coming back, so i went imto his rm n bathe.

Dun feel like slping, so went down to the lobby. To my surprise Daniel, Charmaine, Joey, Han Xuan n huang hui was there, well loitering around, sort of. I talked to them,Joey was reading some comics. Daniel was in his usual quietness,standing around, smiling shyly that sort of thing. Charmaine look slpy n when i pointed that out, she protest n force herself to look refresh. Tat was 3.15am in the morning i guess.

After a while, i told them i was going to bed first, too tired n such. the rest all followed me. Guess they were tired after all.

Went into Edmund's rm n saw corrine there. WOOTZ!! ;) still moody lah, so ignored them, went to bed.

entry six: 1st day

2004-12-13T19:00:00.000+08:00

Entered the registration classroom, feel lost, so many ppl i noe, very crowded, confusing. Filled the last of the immigration form, then set off for malacca.We reached this place called yongpeng's something garden, dunno lar. So we walked around lor, me, xiucheng and Elon.Edmund's bus came later and Jamin brought this SUPER sweet canned iced tea, really sweet.

Elon sat next to me on the bus, was commenting abt almost everything, A positive sign, it seems to me. Reached the hotel, was moddy, so sat with Elon for lunch.
Edmund,corrine,sharon,xiucheng,jamin,yusi and the rest(shall refer them as my gang in the future)were crapping and such,dun feel like sitting next to them.Chenvglin sat at the same table as us, so did kai rong.To prove each other wrong, we sat at our seats and let the 'old hags' get their food first. (Elon pointed out to me on the bus that the husbands didn't come on the trip and only those old women come since our bus consists of mostly old women) Chenglin was saying things to me and Elon like; dun resist already lah, i noe u two very hungry already. U noe, like acting cool and heroic and such. So we crapped back lah. Later we realised that there wld be no fewer ppl at thhe buffet table as ppl kept coming for second helpings. So we went and take the food lor. Chenglin was saying, haha, u lose cos u are infront of me, u cant wait to get the food, you're hungry, such lameness lah. But it's a good time, at least he doesn't look so stress now.

After lunch, there was a mixed up abt the rooms so the commitee had to arrange the rooms again. Went up to our rooms, hav a good time visiting each other's room, bouncing on each other's bed. jamin sitting n crapping.

3.15pm, went down for ice breaking. Jamin was laming the whole time abt where is the ice? Forgot wat games we played during the ice breaking, so nothing to write here.

Dinner, went down with 15mins to spare with Edmund, Xiucheng n Jamin. Chomp our food and went up. The process was fast to my surprise. No one was eating at the restuarant already.

The gospel, then Shuping laoshi held the discussion. That night after the grp leader's meeting,our family went to grace heah's room to watch tv on tv1, malay channel. So fun, cant understand a word of cantonese the drama says, was feeling irritated at tat time. Didn't talk much, others asking questions like "are u ok" n such. Feeling self pity too. Dunno why.

Sleep over at Edmund's room at night, Jamin came over. We managed to "sour" Jamin serveral times n make him get up, then tickle him, he hates tat, pain or sthg. HILARIOUS!!

Entry five: Camp accounts 8/12, 9/12, 10/12

2004-12-13T18:49:00.000+08:00

Ok i'm back so i'm tidying my whole weeks of events. Won't talk abt the few days before the camp.Personal and i've quite forgotten it.

Entry four:revival? emotions?(sunday)

2004-12-05T23:06:00.000+08:00

after last night ordeal,felt rather werid.slept quite late at 1am last night,so woke up at a disastrous time of 10.30.heard my mum waking me up outside the door at 9.45(i slept with my room door closed)but my alarm clock says 9.15.thought about going straight to church, but too lazy to do so.slept some more and use some computer.

2.30pm.went to church,quite sarcastical in the sense to tongue anyone who asked mi why i didn't came for fellowship.I went for choir practice and had quite a peaceful 1 hour as i just played for them and they didn't asked me anything.

3.30pm.I made my way to the main hall and found the wen zhi bu committee having a meeting.I joined in and was incharge of the logo for our fellowship's newsletter.went to the santuary hall for rehearsal for the later 4pm worship.

4.20pm.joined minhai,jamin,grace and june at the music room.we then practice a last minute song for the coming week praise.Grace left earlier and we went over to jamin house for the chinese version of the song.Minhai quicky grew in accustomed to Jamin's house. positioning himself comfortably on Jamin's bed and hugging one of his many pillows.half lying and making a sort of grunting that never failed to make me think that he is asleep.

the song was printed out and we all tried to blend in to the many possible tunes but somehow we always seems to clash with either each other or the piano.minhai and jamin rewrite the score so as to blend everyone's voice together nicely.they said a great deal stuff that i didn't understand.after the score was written,the rest was easy.we just sang our written part and everything sounded nice.We joked around and left jamin's house at around 7.30.Jamin accompany us to the busstop where we got more lame.Jamin insist that he see me home and he did, making small talks with him and we goes.sort of find in hard to do that with Jamin everytime.He is really a emotionally versatile guy.Sometimes gloomy and sometimes happie, dotty.Must really hand it to him.Even more versatile than me in moods.

today was really a strange day for me.woke up feeling dread.end of the day feeling loved and jumbly.Which leads me to the wish i had for this year's camp:every year's camp i managed to reach a new level of friendship with my friends and along the way finding a few more potential ones.Lets hope that i could acheive that this year.=)really looking forward to this year's camp.

entry three:neglected

2004-12-05T10:35:00.000+08:00

came back home,felt so depressed, angry with myself.A sum of twenty three dollars, now left a few dollars,purely an effect of my boredom and tireness.

woke up in the morning, felt as same as always, a brand new morning,brand new freedom,no duties to perform, no nothing.Friends inivited me to lunch outside. Acommunion with friends was nice.However, the ultimate distraction had once again captured my attention and i couldn't be bothered to go for luch.2.30pm.downloading a humongous file that a canada friend sent me.so i logged off and met up with my friends and after which for choir at church.

had a hell of a time.so much laughter.dinner time, didn't felt like eating too much as the $23 had to last me through the month, the festive season and not forgeting a friend's birthday.I was a bit gloomy back then, not serious as in sad but quite thoughtful.My friends were concern about my eating content,but didn't gave it much thought.So i found myself gazing at them as they consume their last meal of the day.

after dinner,walked a friend who lives near me home.talked about getting some fishes for my dream aquarium.went towards the fish shop, found that the rest of my friends were still waiting for the bus.talked to them,still cheerful.they got on the same bus and the cheeriness began to ebb away.went to 2 fish shops but both were closed.pass by the lan shop that i had owe $17 to.Not feeling like going home and it felt right to pay back the money that i owed now that i had the money.So i did and went on to play at the rate of $1.80 per hour as i dread going home.

i ended up playing up to closing time and managed to pay up without owing any money to the shop.

walked home,furious with myself.Felt so useless,willess and depressed.went home,used the computer despite my parents' grubling.Faced with friends who tried to cheer me up and grubling parents,i retort back at them and managed to get my father's temper to boil.he flared up and i immediately played my full deck.He wanted to switch off the computer and i did it myself so as not to let him have the pleasure of doing so.We flared at each other, ending up with me winning as i managed to prove a great deal of concept regarding the reason why i kept using the computer late into the night.

sitting in my room,purposely switching off any light sources and feeling tired,lost in this world and neglected,i cried as i thought about everything that has happened in my life so far.After which i got up and wrote this dairy,my first true heart felt entry.Cried myself to sleep that night, a thing that i had not done for a very long time.

Feeling alone,felling lost.

expectations,anger and problems too.

I want to shout,yell.

but a voice into me cries,

look into the mirror and you will see,

who it is that is really me.

Lunista's elven archer

2004-12-03T23:05:00.000+08:00

Entry two: Exane (part1)

2004-12-03T19:59:00.000+08:00

The sound startled thousands of Arfigoths in the Zrragrab forest. A simple tinkle of silverwood leaves and the sound of phraxwood flute, the soft melodious enchantment haunts and chill the hearts of all Arfigoths who chanced to have ever heard this spell.

A panic swept through the land. Children huddled close to their mothers, wings tucked nervously around them. Males adults immediately spread their wings and took flight towards the nearest mikwood tree for a closer look at the intruders. The battlements have blown the war horn, signaling the legions' gathering.

glossary(1)

2004-12-03T17:42:00.000+08:00

Enzer:The word for morning or in another sense, A.M.

Prezer:The word for afternoon or in another sense, P.M.

Noctirce:one of the two towns of the continent Tamoiar. The hub of Tamoiar's education. home to the famous academy of Klavistra.

raising:The movement of the solaris timepieces by performing the grand ritual every Enzer. Beautiful to observe. Part of the text found in the studying materials of mages studying in the school of thermal elements under the topic 'leviation through thermal flux and magic mana flow-case study:solaris timepieces of the academy of klavistra.'

Entry one:school of invokecation

2004-12-03T17:17:00.000+08:00

Scaly wings folded, they peeked out into the azure sky voided of clouds. The creatures, of silver eyes, spit of fire and razor sharp talons perched amidst the solaris timepieces that resides on the central platform of the school of invokecation. The solarium has always roosted the hundreds of Onyxes for centuries. The Onyx, also mythically known as the the lifeclaimer is commonly found in huge numbers on the continent of Tamoiar and especially preferred to nest close to magic sources, as such in the case of the solarium of Noctirce town. The Onyxes soaked up the magic which regenerates their mana for their daily hunts. In return, the presence of a considerable amount of mana would conversely aid the flux and movement of magic.

10 Enzer. The exact time of dawn, the moment that the raising have to be performed. THe raising is the combining of the Enzer's sun rays and magic to form a mystic hub where the whole academy could draw unlimited mana from the sun.

The raising could only br done by the moving of the heavy solaris timepieces in the oppsite direction of the magical flux and invoking a continuous movement in it. The solaris timepieces comprise of highly refined crystalites, gems and stellimium, a very durable and veratile in magic metal. There are five solaris timepieces, for each represents one of the five schools in the academy. Each of the timepieces has its own activation powers and when combined together could unleash a massive destruction force. This force was so much feared to an extent that the Panionsix council only allowed invokers, who are mages that possess high mental and magical powers to perform the raising.

As the sun sets each day, the rotation of the timepieces gradually stops, drained of its unlimited source of energy from the sun and magic by the roosting Onyxes. It is by this reason that the raising have to be performed everyday at dawn to replenish its magical flux.

Invokecation, is an art of magic where the mind is trained to greater strength. When the art of invokecation is first introduced, it is intended for the training of invokers to perform the raising. However, as the years pass by, the mental strenth of the mind is focused on instead.