are you trying to prove me wrong? after 17 years of smooth leading and what others may call luck, you have now done this. JUST lay your GOD DAMN hand on him and heal him!!

I've known that you are doing and working on something. You can't possibly let him die for nothing. But what? what are you trying to prove? I know i've made you a promise. not actually to you but really i hope you will and make me hold to it. This is the first time i'm hoping that you will make your will clear. what do you want me to do? alright that's redunant. i know vaguely what i must do... but why can't...? that is means that if i do it Dad will recover? Is the problem with me or someone else? i won't know... and everyone is giving me damn encouragments about something or another. Lord i know it's one thing to believe in yourself....and another to tell people about your beliefs. so show me...show it to me. Like gideon? As clear as that?

Yes, as clear as you can make it. I'll wait, with soul my soul alert.

what makes you look forward to the future?

sitting in front of the computer...3.4oam....with three tests scheduled later on...desperately trying to put the feeling down. nada, nothing...

mixed feelings....
I shan't write a lot... cos i'm just gonna ask himself a question that pretty sums up the whole thing....

My actions, decisions, the way i think......

have i grown up?

lets turn back time.... I wish i could...i wish...