came back home,felt so depressed, angry with myself.A sum of twenty three dollars, now left a few dollars,purely an effect of my boredom and tireness.

woke up in the morning, felt as same as always, a brand new morning,brand new freedom,no duties to perform, no nothing.Friends inivited me to lunch outside. Acommunion with friends was nice.However, the ultimate distraction had once again captured my attention and i couldn't be bothered to go for luch.2.30pm.downloading a humongous file that a canada friend sent me.so i logged off and met up with my friends and after which for choir at church.

had a hell of a time.so much laughter.dinner time, didn't felt like eating too much as the $23 had to last me through the month, the festive season and not forgeting a friend's birthday.I was a bit gloomy back then, not serious as in sad but quite thoughtful.My friends were concern about my eating content,but didn't gave it much thought.So i found myself gazing at them as they consume their last meal of the day.

after dinner,walked a friend who lives near me home.talked about getting some fishes for my dream aquarium.went towards the fish shop, found that the rest of my friends were still waiting for the bus.talked to them,still cheerful.they got on the same bus and the cheeriness began to ebb away.went to 2 fish shops but both were closed.pass by the lan shop that i had owe $17 to.Not feeling like going home and it felt right to pay back the money that i owed now that i had the money.So i did and went on to play at the rate of $1.80 per hour as i dread going home.

i ended up playing up to closing time and managed to pay up without owing any money to the shop.

walked home,furious with myself.Felt so useless,willess and depressed.went home,used the computer despite my parents' grubling.Faced with friends who tried to cheer me up and grubling parents,i retort back at them and managed to get my father's temper to boil.he flared up and i immediately played my full deck.He wanted to switch off the computer and i did it myself so as not to let him have the pleasure of doing so.We flared at each other, ending up with me winning as i managed to prove a great deal of concept regarding the reason why i kept using the computer late into the night.

sitting in my room,purposely switching off any light sources and feeling tired,lost in this world and neglected,i cried as i thought about everything that has happened in my life so far.After which i got up and wrote this dairy,my first true heart felt entry.Cried myself to sleep that night, a thing that i had not done for a very long time.

Feeling alone,felling lost.

expectations,anger and problems too.

I want to shout,yell.

but a voice into me cries,

look into the mirror and you will see,

who it is that is really me.